your room smells of hookers.
And success
This girl is more easily done than said...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize