I'm going to jail i love you
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
