she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
