Jerry, you need to find god
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
