kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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