Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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