Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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