Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
