Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
