I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
