I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
