Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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