ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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