I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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