my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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