You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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