the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
