i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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