Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize