I hope mine doesn't look like that
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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