she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
