Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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