all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Never underestimate the power of titties
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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