We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
