Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
