dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to