There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex