wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties