i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
