You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...