An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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