you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
