Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it