No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
