I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
