I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
not ubering you a puppy
wow bdsm is so cute
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
