You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize