I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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