Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
