I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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