New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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