there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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