were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
