and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
