I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
