You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
