We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
