i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
