i think my mom watched the whole time
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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