respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
