good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
