i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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