Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
