is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sorry about my life...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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