By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
