I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
In America we eat man semen.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
