I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
