omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
