Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize