Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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