so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
