I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
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