I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
