You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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