I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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