I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
