I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
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You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize