i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
