Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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