you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
