Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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