I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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