This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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