You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
what is it with giant penises always finding me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
