i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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