my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
