Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
