well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My life is pants optional.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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