My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
