So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
