I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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