The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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