What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
