It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
