Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
