my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
