he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
