He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
